Baby’s “Needs Are Met”

Before I gave birth, I thought babies cried all the time. Turns out, they only cry if their needs are met.

Now, this means different things to different people. “Needs,” that is.

To some, a baby’s “needs” are limited to:

• Food
• Clean diaper

This suggests that, when a baby is full and has a fresh diaper, they have no reason to cry. This causes confusion for many first time parents who have no idea why their baby is crying.

Remember: all first time parents must get to know their baby. They do so by responding to the baby, when the baby communicates…and the baby communicates by crying.

Imagine, as a child, if you were crying and a parent said to you…

Why are you crying? You aren’t hungry and you’ve just gone to the bathroom.

You have no reason to cry.

Is that really all a human being needs? Food, water, shelter?

I’ll spare you the rhetorical questions. No, that isn’t all a human being needs.

Why? We aren’t cars. Cars get gas, oil, and regular maintenance, and they’re good to go.

We aren’t machines.

A baby is more than her digestive system. A baby needs comfort, love, security, love, engagement, love, and love.

An adult can get lonely. A child can get lonely. So can a baby.

With some exceptions, babies spend 40 weeks in the warmth and comfort of their mother’s belly. Then, when they’ve developed enough, they emerge into the world. Then they’re placed into a hard, isolating chamber.

That baby’s gonna cry. There’s no way around it.

And just because he wants something more than food and a fresh diaper, doesn’t mean he should be ignored.

He’s confused. He’s scared. He’s brand new to the world, and he needs reassurance from the person who has been and will continue to be his entire world for the next foreseeable future.

It’s not convenient. But no one expects to have a baby and continue life as though they never had the baby.

Now imagine you have gas and need to be held upright. You have no way of communicating this to your parents. What do you do?

You cry.

So I’ll agree: when the baby’s needs are met, the baby shouldn’t cry. That includes physical needs, emotional needs, needs for security, and other, “silent” ailments that need tending.

Meet your baby’s needs. Remember this moment is temporary. Soak in the baby goodness. Let the baby soak you in, too.

6 Things I Learned While Breastfeeding

It’s amazing the things you learn about your body, your mind, and those of your child.

For now, here are just 6 of those things.

Comfort is Key

You produce the most milk when you’re relaxed. Lean back, but be in the moment–the more aware you are of baby’s latch, the better your milk will flow.

Extended Eye Contact is Magical

I remember the first time my baby made eye contact with me while breastfeeding. She used to keep her eyes closed, or let her gaze wander since she couldn’t really focus on anything anyway. But that evening, I was relaxing in bed next to my husband and I looked down to see those stunning baby blues staring right into my soul.

My first instinct was to laugh. I was so taken aback. Even a little giddy. I nudged my husband and he had the same reaction. Our daughter stared unblinking for some time. Just observing. So I stared back. I drank her in, committing the moment to memory.

Since then, I’ve had countless staring contests with my daughter. Those moments of extended eye contact are important for her development. No matter what I’m doing–watching tv, online shopping, scrolling my feed–I put it down. When my daughter is staring at me…when she needs me to be 100% present…I can look at nothing else.

No One Knows Your Child the Way You Do

Sorry, dada. The baby and I are practically one person. If a person’s life force were made visible, mine would form a direct line into our daughter.

And because of that, you can’t let anyone make you second guess your maternal instincts. Even other mothers. No one knows your child as well as you do.

A Supportive Partner is Everything

I don’t usually think in the terms I’ve laid out above. I keep things equal as much as possible. We share responsibilities. We’re equally good at reading our baby and knowing her cues. So it’s important to say, no one knows your child as well as you and your partner do.

Having a supportive partner helps you feel happier and more relaxed, which again, helps with milk production. And if they can get a few chores done while you’re tethered, all the better.

I was feeling pretty ridiculous one day, reclining shirtless on the sofa and nursing our daughter. I was feeling pretty unattractive, but I just had to laugh.

“Did you ever think you’d see me like this?” I asked my husband.

“Yes,” he replied. And that was that.

Be Comfortable with Mess

Remember the Serenity Prayer by Chester Nimitz? “Help me to accept the things I cannot change…” With a baby, especially a breastfeeding baby, many things are out of your control, including mess. You’ve probably read that you should lower your standards for cleanliness, and it’s true. But you also need to find comfort in it. The mess is there because you’re putting your child first. You’re making a choice. You’re prioritizing. Be proud of that. The mess will be cleaned soon enough–and your child will grow almost just as quickly. These first few months are precious. Let yourself be engulfed by them.

Eat While You Feed…

…but that’s easier said than done.

My husband has had to spoon-feed me at times when both my hands were occupied and I was starving.

No matter how you treated yourself before you got pregnant, you can’t–or rather, your baby can’t–afford for you to cut calories. No fasting or dieting for you. Not unless your doctor says so. Be sensible, but remember that your nourishment is your baby’s nourishment. You’re keeping someone else alive.